HOW TO PHOTOGRAPH A NEW PUPPY:

   1. Remove film from box and load camera

   2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash

   3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle

   4. Choose a suitable background for photo

   5. Mount camera on tripod and focus

   6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth

   7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera

   8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees

   9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand

  10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens

  11. Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash

  12. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose

  13. Put magazines back on coffee table

  14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head

  15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage

  16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say,

  17. "No, outside!!"

  18. Fix a drink

  19. Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and stay" the first thing in the morning